Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
