Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
