I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
