Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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