I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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