bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
