put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
