i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
