it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
