Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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