I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize