I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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