I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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