If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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