Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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