dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
