he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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