U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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