yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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