i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
