the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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