So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
