ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
