Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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