went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
