happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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