first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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