The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
