Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
