so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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