Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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