Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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