I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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