i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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