Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
