Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
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MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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