We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
