I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
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I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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