so explain again why im purple
no
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
