What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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