Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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