he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
