peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
