Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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