I hate your face
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
