...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
