I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
