If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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