Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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