So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
