he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
