The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
