She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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