i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
