If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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