You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
