yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
