nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
