Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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