my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
