you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
