I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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