if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
