hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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