if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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